Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
