Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
