he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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