i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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