did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
