Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
