GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
