This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
