Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
