i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
