I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
