So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
