I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
