It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
