I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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