If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
