i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
