Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
