when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
