yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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