I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fuck appropriateness.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
