Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
