I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
