I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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