dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
