just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
