I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
