do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
