Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
