She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
