Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
