Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
