god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
