I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
