for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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