That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
