is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
try to milk me bitch
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
