Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
