we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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