no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
