Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
