Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
