Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
