She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
