he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I supernannyed him into submission
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
