your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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