Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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