If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
