Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
