when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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