Got a toothbrush?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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