Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
