Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
