Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
