went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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