And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You left your phone here
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