Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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