take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
